Tag Archives: christmas

rows of stockings

Man of the week for me was

Mark Rutte, NATO’s secretary general, who named the fear to say Putin will make war on Europe and we should get our heads around it now -shortages, cold, bombs, disruption.  File this under “prepare for the worst and hope for the best” which is a good way to live

 I wish I could send cards

to everyone I wanted to but it is expensive, impractical and unrealistic.  So here, for the record, are things in my stockings filed under what I want: what I don’t want: and what I wish for, denoted w, dw and wh.  

I wish I could thank you all for staying with me this troubled year (w). I wish I could thank every journalist, writer and presenter who has given me pleasure – quite a lot, hooray (w).   But you can’t get to them, even if you could fork out for the postage.  I would ban, blow up or otherwise disable social media (w) which I regard as the Other’s War on the west,..However it came about – oh the hubris of humankind.

I’d like us all to do a bit more towards every kind of peace up

to and including world peace (w)and I would like to be out of pain (w).    I would like to send a group card (w) to my local Waitrose –  a shop staffed  by kind professionals, a credit to the race.

Christmas brings out the competitive – the best food and drink, clothes, gifts, party, guest list, decorations – like the eleven plus with holly.  I would ban the word “perfect” in this context.

(w)    My Christmas  is mine, about the past  (both glowing and grim memories) but it couldn’t have started better.  I hope in the smiling anterooms of another world that my parents know how much I appreciate their love, the food they gave me, the wonderful simple memories they created for years (w). I remember my son’s second Christmas and the smallest blue jeans on the planet.  

Of course there is wish fulfilment at Christmas –  there is leave, to go and meet (w), there is warmth and nourishment and colour and light and extra ordinary patience – with this one’s indigestion and that one’s paddy.   But I w ill do it my way, not your way, and I’d encourage  people to read everything they could about the origins of Christmas and the stories that have built up around it (w) – sure, they are stories.  A Russian proverb says “A story is more powerful than the Tsar.” 

  Let’s hope ours, acted on, believed in and committed to, will be more powerful than Putin (w).

Forget endless food of no value overloaded with fat and sugar and heaven knows what else (dw)  Only those catering to extended groups need food on this scale (dw)  You make a selection from the trimmings the children adore – they are unnecessarily expensive unless they mean something to  you (dw).  I have unscented candles 365 days of the year (w) though I was tempted to one in a dark red glass container, scented with things I liked .  But I don’t need it. 

For the first time for ages, I saw a coat I liked (w), a bracelet I liked (w) and a tempting lip gloss  (w) .  A person can dream.  All three of these could be countersigned as wishes (wh).  I don’t need them and can’t afford them but it was lovely to see something I really liked, to have an innocent yearning for something that pleased my eye. 

 I wish(wh) to keep my temper better – I have lost it twice recently with twits. Yes   that is a value judgement.  Trimmed with your best baubles, a twit is a twit.  Wouldn’t it be wonderful if people reinvested in basic courtesies and good manners , realizing that this is the hallmark of power and maturity, not necessarily weakness and evasion (wh).   It’s all in the tone. Whoever is next in power, I hope they can communicate better than over the last many years (wh).   It’s a learned skill, it should be mandatory in public life to learn it.     Make war on dumped rubbish, large or small, get some of the bright directionless young to do something about it (wh) Believe in commonsense (wh), smile more often than frown (wh) and understand that this world is the only one we have and cherish it (heartfelt).

still the story

At 4.30 or so on Friday afternoon to a noise like nuts and bolts being shaken in a wooden box to the attacking rhythm of a pneumatic drill,

like hailstones

the screen failed.  I tried to revive it and got a unctuous message about not being able to repair your screen automatically at this time ho hum… The computer man’s company, conceived for business ventures run from home, the elderly and first time users, Is open Monday through Friday so I wasn’t going to be able to do anything until Sunday night/Monday morning when I could phone for help.

Like a thunderstorm, all blown out by the following morning, thank you heaven, on we go.   Self awarded self little red glass heart signifying sangfroid.  

nearest I get to cool

I had looked at the Christmas box, also red, and it had looked at me, so I took a bus to the front of a local church where cards are sold every Christmas.  It was chastening.  Nothing I would buy and if I did, nothing I would send.  I came out into a half closed main road, the smell of heating up fast food in booths, badly relayed rock, five foot teddy bears and mammoth pink bows on lampposts.

I met Ben the florist and told him I can’t do this.  “Why do you think I’m here?  Neither can Dad.   Took one look and went home …”  looking at me, adding wrily.  “It’s only today, gone tomorrow.”   I said “Thank God”… 

I know several people who really dislike Christmas. 

I am not one of them.  But I hate the hijack into ruthless commerciality and even more pink.  Got nothing against pink but Christmas  colours are silver and gold, red and green, with a permitted sidebar into blue and white shading into silver if you must.  And I don’t want to be “must ed” from November on, through an increasingly desperately extended “Christmas season”.

So Denning and I discussed cards.   

 I love Christmas cards, so does he.  We send them – by the Post Office recommended dates if not earlier.  We chose them carefully, with more affection than formality, a hello/how are you catchup once a year to a wide range of people – some you don’t want to think you forgot (Mark in the depths of rural Wales), some in remembrance of things past as well as present, some new – but we agreed, if they are not in the post by the end of the first week in December, who knows when they will get there?  You hear stories of the card that arrived in April the following year, the ones that were dumped and it is an item – a Christmas present – cards, envelopes, stamps, the labour of writing and it is only worth it,

if it is worth it to you.  

Since then, SR sent me a pack of black and white cards from a sketch by an artist I admire – Eric Ravilious.  Hooray.  That broke the card deadlock.  Waterstones came up with something I warmed to in three designs out of four – so I grabbed those.  Christmas cards are on the schedule.

 In New York 62 years ago I was thrilled by the range and variety of every kind of card, especially the picture for the sake of the picture and selling you an envelope, write your own message cards, still am but the range is shrinking. 

Think of the industry that could go to the wall – paper, card, original design or rights to the images, assembly, marketing.   Not a cheap option.  And then add the postage.  

All my long life, people had to think about what they could and would spend at Christmas – and make choices – and that’s fine.   You don’t think Mary wanted to ride that donkey all those miles to Bethlehem, do you?  It was the best Joseph could do.  And the ox moved over, to share the stall with the tired ass.   Not a believer for many years, I love the Christmas story – it is one of hope – and you can’t tell it till you get there – that when you are down and finished, the phone rings or a note comes or a hand is extended, food is offered, warmth shared.   The Kings come through the night with gifts

and the shepherds bring their lambs.  A story for all of us – and we are all stories.        

the meaning of the word

We went through  a time when it was fashionable to talk about stress

as in “She’s very stressed” or “completely stressed out.”   Refreshingly the actress Judi Dench remarked that she was tired of hearing it, there was good stress and bad stress, good and bad sense in every term.    There are all sorts of other terms that I would use instead.   As soon as a word or a term goes into common usage across the board, I look at it sideways.  Words change in time and context.  And  like everything else, our opinions of words range from “words have power”

to “talk’s cheap”  with all the variants in between.

We are a month away from the big  midwinter festival, call it what you will.   My  hairdresser (40s) remarked yesterday  that she didn’t want a month spent building up to Christmas, the anticipation  was maddening,  marketing coercion  lamentable and what had that to do  with Christmas ?  

Whether you believe in it or not, Christmas is a story  we need.  That’s part of its magic.  As far back as you go in human history, there are stories with these components: renewal in the dark days of winter, a magical child, miraculous birth, a humble so admirable human father figure, purity, spiritual apparitions to simple people,  visitors from far away who recognized a sign – The Sign -captivatingly a star. 

And I am tired of hearing the Victorians simultaneously blamed and admired for the Christmas glut.  Because glut it is and a long way from where the story began.

At best, Christmas balances out between half you like and half you could do without.   Too often, it comes trailing obligation and an absolute inability to move on resulting in stultifying artificial interaction.   Once again, there is good and bad in this. 

If you really don’t get on with your family who are as out of tune as broken bells,

you can either manage a couple of days of observance and civility or you really have to declare “not this year “ preferably by October and stick to it.  As the last survivor of my natal family where there was pain as well as joy at Christmas, I cherish the good bits, shelve the rest and reinvent for myself with the aid of the bits I love.  This year I found the courage to decline a neighbour who wants to fill up the days with underemployed bodies.  Not mine.     And asked “what are you doing for Christmas ?”   I say  “As little as possible (adding under my breath, with a good heart).”  

But if financial insecurity continues, this will be the last year of cards

– too expensive to buy let alone send.  Every second named writer will be opining about  the year of “Christmas stress” – buying, cooking, dressing, drinking, I’d saying  “behaving” not because you believe in it but because you don’t know what else to do.  And that old cry about “everybody else does”.  So ?   Be the first to do it different.  And don’t confuse sending cards to a few people you’d like to remember with sending them because you “should”.

And my early Christmas story is the two young (20s) nephews of an old friend with a family every bit as  difficult and dissonant as the bells I referred to earlier  who is making  Christmas for them, their mother (her favourite sister), her mother (my age) and an old friend.  And the boys  abjured “Somewhere to come, all  together, food and drink and warm – it’s not about presents.”  

Bless them, let’s have a few more like that.

Money has gone mad – £29 for a nailbrush ?   £135 for a hairbrush ?   Hiked up and sold to you as a “must have.”   What about the people who simply haven’t got it ?    Harder and harder to find anything small and pretty and inexpensive.   The under two foot Christmas tree I so enjoyed doubled in price: keep it.  I could rant about Christmas food because I don’t like most of it and I don’t buy slavishly.

And I was shocked earlier in the week when after God knows what in the way of other people’s troubles,    two friends spoke to me very firmly about stress in the aftermath of mini strokes.  And I listened, I understood the meaning of the word.