Upon writing annalog – which I still define as writing copy and most others refer to as a blog – I wonder whether I am writing for you or for me. Often and mostly, it’s both. But I have written stuff, read it and thought – well that’s what I want to write – and then had unexpected feedback or I have written what I thought would appeal to you as well as me and the silence has been deafening.
I have written before about the wonders of the subconscious mind
– and- in all humility about trying to begin – my phrase is “to find a way in.” Above and beyond the list of things we all have to worry about in the wider world, we all have troubles from the small to the considerably larger and we have different ways of dealing with them.
People talk about “getting round” a problem. I commit myself to going through. This is not because I am better or brighter or tougher, it’s because it works as a philosophy better for me. It involves making a decision
and taking at least some of the responsibility for the fallout.
We have different levels of power and influence in the making of decisions. We are different people, we experience things different ways.
With my anxiety level rising unevenly through 3 months – which is a long time to feel powerless in a personal situation – I could tell you a long unhappy story about my latest round with he eye hospital. I have written about Moorfields before ( eg annalog/shruti and the tiger, and others) always with praise and appreciation. This latest round has come as a shock to me and a shock that goes on being shocking.
Friends have said I should write about it. I am not sure. It risks being a whine – hell, it is a whine. On several different levels. But I am near moving on, towards through. Better an account of that, than the misery of not knowing.
The news media recounts with more and less clarity the ongoing destruction of various wars.
All of the people involved don’t know. If they are among the decision makers, they only know this decision or that. Whether it will be positive or not, they do not know, cannot know. How or what they decide will play out and what the effects – short, medium and long term – may be remains unknown too. You will notice a conspicuous lack of names in this writing – we all know the names, we have different feelings about them, but they are the major players, the rest of us exist in varying degrees of powerless, and we wait.
Alongside, the international and national political situation, there have been several books about human pain,
how it is perceived, what it really is, how the current impact of Big Pharma and its witchy pills makes them a fortune and leaves us further powerless. I remember how people latched on the idea of a name for what ailed them, in the hope that if you could name it, you could treat it and thus banish it. It works sometimes but not always and we are endlessly told the names of things in the superstitious hope that that will ease the pain perhaps or improve the predicament.
Pain is part of the human experience, physical, psychological and they are often interrelated. If you can’t feel pain you are in another kind of trouble. No signal that something is wrong – again, in the mind or the body or both. And you can misread the lack of signal as badly as you can a signal – and get it wrong.
And the most experienced doctors can get it wrong too.
There is endless diagnosis of where we are up to in the history of the world
– pages of intelligent and informed writing about the countries that are involved, how and why, what it may mean, how it will play, and on the world stage too often, the answer is war.
I can’t go to war with the NHS and the eye hospital. What I learned is nowhere to fight. Friends have been generous and supportive. I have to go through this.
Annalog 