Tag Archives: mental-health

a change is gonna come…

From the Prince and Princess of Wales

through the work of Jonathan Haidt (US academic and author of The Anxious Generation through The Amazing Generation) to one of my favourite  writers whose headline this  week was “This  year drop your phone and touch grass” – the thoughtful press has begun to realise the extent of the damage constant access and social media does – to them, the grownups, never mind the kids.   Janice Turner writes “My new year’s resolution is to stop letting Mark Zuckerberg  monetise my life.”   The only figure the billionaires value is the share price.

Imagine a very little girl ,attended by her devoted dog, racing through the house because she heard voices, or movement, or something new.  That was me – I would turn up in the kitchen and my mother would say beaming  “Oh hello … Afraid of missing something ? “  

Natural curiosity has been moulded into must – must know, must see, must comment, must share.  Your experience isn’t enough without “other people”. And you pay for it, monetarily and emotionally.   

Online addiction and what is called slop consumption is not of interest to me.  Never was.  Many of us have forgotten that we have choice in this – or in the case of the Wales’s, the children just don’t have phones.

I have always disliked the idea of being available 24/7.  For what, for whom?   I learned a long time ago that if you didn’t – look at the phrase we use – switch off from time to time, I would be exhausted.   I had to pause.

The screen has it uses, certainly – but once you start zapping around with stuff at the speed of light, to tell you what you could live without knowing, I was reminded of the early days of television where we wondered about the impact on the brain of the speed of film images.

And what could be more unsettling than to compare constantly every aspect of yourself, with somebody else’s in particular or worse, with everybody else.  What happened to being the person you are and using your abilities to communicate?

The title comes from “Ballad for Americans” – I used an extract when I did Desert Island Discs many years ago.  We hoped for change and improvement – and we got it, better health, more food, better schooling, wider horizons, different chances.  Progress was slow but it was progress.  Then we fell in love with speed and sameness and began to reap a terrible whirlwind – the tapering off of individuality, unwillingness to look at what a life really meant, as in  “I must do this because everybody else does” as if by being like other people, that would somehow protect us from life itself. 

Great creative artists know that you don’t just make great art –  in any creative endeavour, you try, you fail, you get lost, you find something else , the journey is long, often not at all the shape you thought it might be 

but endlessly interesting and even if it isn’t at the time, it is when you look back on it, because you see it differently.

This is about our relationship with time, as if , if somehow we could speed it up, we could get to the good bits and skip the rest.   Sorry chum.  The “rest” is part of the whole.   

And when we began to see the impact of this consumerist model on health and education, it got very scary very quickly.   And those of us who walk down the street, greet the unknown as well as the known, shying away from the quick fix and the short cut, were horrified to see the price – the real price of not knowing real grass from plastic.

Denning and I say to each other at regular intervals that we are very glad we are not rich.  Too often, it is inferred that if you spend enough, there is nothing you can’t have.  What rubbish.  Money can’t buy you health or happiness, or help you keep them.  

You have to find a way to be.  There are few short cuts, except getting a job you love as I did, or meeting a life partner and he or she really is but there are moments – the sky at sunset, the softness of snow, laughing at yourself, or with others –this bird, that flower.   

dew on the flowers at dawn

A change is as good as a rest – will you try it?    

control

Anthony  Hopkins

is a very good actor.  That’s all I need to know about him.   And in the interview in advance of a memoir (he’s 87) a thoughtful journalist doesn’t get much more. 

I read the piece once, yes, yes, and then I read it again.  Of course  AH  wouldn’t tell you if he ever had therapy.  Why would he ?  Why would anybody in public life who has drawn on the wellsprings of rejection, confusion, anger for  most of his life ?   The French say “Don’t spit in the soup.”  If this what  make things tick

for you, don’t  be seduced into analysis of it (pardon the pun). Or confession.  Control.

One of the illusions of success in any field is that you will be able to control what goes forward.  Or at the very least have  input into it. As life unspools

before you (whoever) realise that none of the stratagems in which you were encouraged to believe work,  much  beyond washing your neck and survival.  And you file what you do control under the mental equivalent of lock and key.  Not tangible lock and key of course, because a real lock begs to be undone by somebody, for one reason or another.  As my  lovely deep voiced neighbour Carly says “everybody has secrets.”   And a secret is only a secret if you tell it to nobody.  Or the one person you can trust.

We acknowledge now how out of control we are. 

  I am keeping BT’s last letter to me as evidence of  how not to write a letter, any letter, personal or professional, starting with chummy and ending with “how to make a complaint” – which they have just cancelled.   I rang.  The office is in a geographical area I know and the accents are not unfamiliar to me.  Ears still good.  And alongside the accent, the  young woman on the phone had a voice like a hysterical clockwork mouse.  And  (God forgive me) six sentences in, I put the phone down.  She rang back.  “’S BT” she squeaked. “I said “Yes, I’m sorry, I hung up.   I am familiar with the accent, I am the other end of the country, old and  you should not be doing that job.  You are unintelligible.  “  Phone down.  

That represents a life change for me.  I have been young, poor, unskilled, desperate – but you could hear me – in life, or on the phone.   That’s all the control I have. 

I had another model of different variety, same ailment re the delivery (cherished) of the newspaper I read.  Operator didn’t listen  – I was quiet and civil, promise.  On the third repetition, and her repeated unnecessary apology, I pointed out with force that (fourth time) a colleague of hers had asked me to call back if what happened October 25 ever happened again and it had, November 1.  

I know I have a “thing” about communication.  It’s been my life, from childhood with articulate accessible parents ,through the experience of being ill as a child, learning, learning, learning and some success.  Do I have the illusion that I am in control of it ?  Honestly ?  More than many.  But like a good carpenter, I am still practicing. And I still get it wrong.

Nora  who is  American, intellectually educated and capable, 24, whom I met at a bus stop said  unequivocally “I am terrified of where we now and what might happen …  The  working models my parents instilled into me don’t work any more.  There are no jobs …”

Did  anybody  – I hesitate to say  “in power” because that’s a relative term – think about masses of  lower down the scale jobs being axed ?  At that level – I lived  there for a long time – you don’t work, you don’t eat.  And it is happening simultaneously with the well educated, the skilled .  Let’s not hire them it is too much trouble. They are replaceable.   

How are we going to feed those who can’t work ?   How many good minds are shelfstacking in  outfits  themselves under hostile takeover from machines ?

Shoppers as opposed to  shopping addicts ( the first goes to buy, the second goes to spend) know  that you can’t have  what you want.  You can only have what   “they” want to sell you.   40 years ago  my mother said “You have only to like something for it to be withdrawn.”

No this is not a declaration  of mass victimhood but it is conjecture into what we control , really.   Not very much.  If the late great Aretha were singing now, the anthem would be called “Disrespect”    and we are being offered political roads lined with roses.  The problem is, none of them leads anywhere without immense cost and  whence you do not want to go.